greeting your relatives
girl are you from Hawaii? because your license plate says Hawaii on it also how did you drive across the ocean
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Damn they got us good. People who aren’t white are cancelled
This scalped me so hard
Consider me scalpt and dragt 👏🏾
It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before.
That changes today.
“Hey guys, what if…” I start to say.
Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore.
“What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“
Suddenly, silence.
1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression.
A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Please.” I say with a broken voice.
He is moved.
“Aight”.
My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my lily-white friends down. Not again.
The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click.
All I can hear is heavy breathing.
“Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?”
There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol.”
“I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.”
“Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken.
“What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good”
He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?”
“Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale.
The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism.
“Muslim….Please.” I whisper.
I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™, and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words.
“Kk.”
Men really do put all their personal information in their bio like especially if they’re 35+ it’s astounding how much I can learn about one man when I block him.
“43. Ohio. Guitar player, father, ex-Marine. Broke my left leg when I was 17, never walked straight since. Whiskey and beer are all I need. Divorced but still trying: call me a hopeless romantic. And good god do I love some big fucking honkers.”
Regular doctors don’t necessarily know much about nutrition/diet either. I started seeing a dietician this year and she was straight up horrified by some of the advice given to me by my doctor.
[Video description:
A tiktok-video of Sarah Williams @/nutritionalsarah - who stands in front of a mirror a phone in her hand.
CC: My thoughts on nutrition trends as a dietetic student/intern.
Starting off big: Keto was created for epileptic children. Carbs are not bad for you; they’re actually the preferred fuel source for the body.
Drinking lemon water in the morning will not boost your metabolism. Taking Apple Cider Vinegar shots in the morning is gross and does nothing for you.
The terminology of „clean eating“ is silly. The only time you should be clean eating is when there is dirt on your food.
1,200 calories is the amount a toddler needs and/or a 98 year old bed-ridden patient. If you have working liver and kidneys, you don’t need to do a detox. All those cleanses do is make you poop yourself.
Consistently eating under your Basal Metabolic Rate will lower your metabolism. Juice cleanses are just…no. Dietary fat does not make you fat. It’s an excess of calories that contribute to adipose tissue.
Sweet potatoes are not healthier that white potatoes. They just both have different micronutrient profiles. Skinny does not automatically equal healthy. Eating after 8pm will not make you fat.
Drink your water, get your sleep, eat your fruits and veggies and forget about the rest.
/end Video Description.]
She’s right and should say it. Speaking from an entirely different part of this grand conspiracy, a lot of this shit is made up and pushed to sell expensive niche cookbooks to your parents. The amount of books about keto and and “clean eating” i sell to boomers and older Gen X is absurd.
astrology is fun because i can pretend that all of my behaviors are just a result of being a gemini and not symptoms of mental illness
where’s that comic where the guy takes the book on how to make a million dollars over a million dollars, and the book just says “shoulda taken the million bucks”
alloverthegaf
